…There’s a Poll Out There for You

A blogger named Brian at The Conservative Edge writes:

According to a story on CBS online, Barak Obama has lost five points nationally in less than one week. In a poll CBS released last Wednesday, before Sarah Palin’s lopsided defeat of Lyin Joe Biden in their debate last Thursday night, Obama was up by 9 points.

In the poll released today, Obama lead McCain by four points. The likely voters number was even better for McCain showing a 48-45 lead for Obama, which was within the margin of error for a dead heat.

See, one poll is all you need to cheer up the die-hards. Sarah Palin bringing back the moldy old kitchen sink lines of attack from the Spring is all it takes. And this poll is in the margin of error too, so it’s not just a six point bump. Oh no, we’re all tied up now.

Hang in there Brian. It’ll all be over soon. And don’t read those other polls, my friend. It’ll just bring you down.

Microsoft released a fix for the Palin 1.0 application today, responding to performance problems with Gov. Sarah Palin during last Thursday’s vice presidential debate at Washington University in St. Louis.

“We finally got the stalling problem worked out on Thursday morning, and things seemed fine during the debate’s first 5 minutes or so,” said Del MacGateway, IT director for the McCain-Palin campaign.

“Then all of a sudden she started giving the wrong answers to the questions, and then ignored the format all together. ‘There you go again’ and ‘Say it ain’t so Joe’ came out at the same time,” said MacGateway.

“She gave an inappropriate response when Biden spoke about raising his sons alone. Obviously Palin’s file system was corrupted,” he said.

He went on to say the problem also spread to the audio system, “with the result Palin sounded more and more Fargo than usual as the debate went on,” a reference to the Cohen brothers’ motion picture.

MacGateway said he filed Palin’s popup online bug report with Microsoft immediately after the debate.

In a press conference this morning, Microsoft spokesman Rita Doss confirmed the problem was the file system. “The queries were correctly formed, but for some reason Palin 1.0 was retrieving the wrong answer files — and usually sound bites about energy policy,” said Doss.

“Our support team worked through the weekend, and are confident this new patch solves the problem,” she said.

However, the fix will not affect Palin’s accent. “That’s not a bug, it’s a feature called Fauxksy, expensively voiced by Frances McDormand,” Ms. Doss said.

Doss also announced Microsoft has no plans to issue a version 2.0 of Palin, due to its steadily declining popularity. The company will provide limited support to the core user base until November.

St. Louis (f-A-ke. P.) —

Anheuser-Busch tries to disprove the theory that all light beers taste the same in a new $50 million campaign for Bud Light, accompanied by the tagline: “The difference is drinkability.”

The new TV spots show many ‘beer-drinking occasions’, such as a college frat party where the guys are trying desperately to get their sorority sisters to remove their tops. The scene freezes and one brother explains. “What you really need to do is get the girls drunk. But if you use some micro-brew—you know…something that doesn’t taste like water—the girls fill up too quick, and the next thing you know they’re in the bathroom throwin’ it all up. Nothing in the stomach, no drunk sisters, NO TITS! That’s where ‘drinkability’ really makes a difference!”

Another spot shows the sorority sisters sitting around the house encouraging each other to chug as much beer as possible. One explains, “Bud Light is just soooo awesome! I can…like…chug it all night, and it’s just the same as eating 4 peanuts and a stick of Trident. I even binge on Bud for breakfast!”

Whether Americans will make the connection between Bud Light and nubile young women taking their clothes off remains to be seen.

Don’t waste your time preparing for “the rapture” folks, what you really have to fear these days is the rule of the cracker. Veep hopeful Sarah Palin was out on the stump this weekend spreading the good news that, “Obama is friends with terrorists“. She’s talking about Bill Ayers, one of the founders of the Weather Underground and an Obama neighbor. The only problem here is that it’s not like Obama is having Al Qaeda over for BBQs, he’s associated with a radical from the 1970s. Yes, the 70s. Mr. Ayers is 63 years old. And the charges against him were DROPPED in 1974, so he’s not even a convicted radical. He’s a professor at the University of Chicago Illinois. Sound like a threat to you? Me neither.

The McCain campaign believes that they can smear Obama with the terrorist label and scare us all away. All I have to say is if we’re judging our candidates and their prospective VPs on these kinds of criteria, we’d better take a closer look at Ms. Palin’s associations and question some of her judgements. Her husband Todd belonged to a group that wanted Alaska to secede from the nation. Not very patriotic dude. And she herself belongs to an extremist Christian Church. Her daughter is dating and set to marry a self described “red neck”. Maybe you should check you own closet for skeletons lady.

For Aussie media it’s a done deal - Wells trumps Citi in bid for Wachovia - though reports are more circumspect elsewhere; from deal in the balance to Wells makes strong bid.

I’m left with the image of kiddy tantrums for Citi execs. “But you said we could have Wachovia! You promised!…” The ‘promised’ deal being a government subsidized buck-something a share. (Corporate welfare)

Meanwhile Wells see some real benefit (delusional optimism?) and are willing to pay shareholders eight bucks-something. There shouldn’t be any argument, lots of those small shareholders date back to the small local banks swallowed during the greed boom; shareholders who rely on the holding for part of their incomes.

Even if the Wells move is delusional optimism it makes far more sense than government pouring more money into corporate profits. Mind you, as one of the banks behind 1929 efforts to buy the market out of trouble Citi might be finally looking to their payback. That effort was the ultimate in delusional optimism.

From the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator–

Headline: President Bush Meets with Bicameral and Bipartisan Members of Congress to Discuss Economy
Translation: “Who wants pie with their coffee?” “I’ll have a piece, Mr. President.” “That’ll be 50 million dollars, McCain.” “Take it out of my earmarks.” “OK. Now then. First agenda item — what’s the deal with the camels?” “The what?” “Camels, Pelosi. You know, the bi-camels.”

Headline: China beams with pride, joy after successful space mission Translation: Zhai Zhigang and crew, moments after completing first orbital lawnchair mission

	Headline: Somali pirates on arms ship celebrate Muslim feast
Translation: Somali Pirates celebrate NL East Pennant

Headline: Facebook hires ex-AG’s former top aide Translation: Big Brother now on everyone’s friend list

Headline: Unicyclist robot ‘Murata Seiko-chan’ Translation: National Review’s Kathleen Parker suggests replacement for Palin

Headline: Senate passes bailout 74-25 Translation: “No bailout! No bailout! No ba- Hey, where’s my wallet?”

Headline: Manatee sees record voter registration Translation: GOP plans to challenge endangered marine mammals who try to vote — Greenpeace wants caging inquiry

Headline: Former GOP Congressman Wants Gwen Ifill Booted From VP Debate Translation: “Not pale enough to be objective,” says former Rep. Hostettler

Headline: “I have always had 100 percent absolute truth,” a visibly angry McCain told the Des Moines Register editorial board on Tuesday when asked about deceptive elements of his campaign. “An assertion that I have done otherwise I take strong exception to.” Translation: “Palin lies enough for the both of us.”

Headline: 51 percent say Democratic Sen. Joe Biden wins vice presidential debate Translation: 51 percent of McCain spokesmen say Biden was sexist just for showing up Translation (Turbo mode): “I have never seen this doobie before in my life.” Translation (Turbo Overdrive mode): 51 percent say Republican Palin wins after 3AM Ohio re-poll flips results

And accessories as well. I am so angry right now I am shaking. Those asshats in Congress have passed the “revised” Bailout Bill and have just cost me and the rest of you taxpayers $800 billion dollars. What’s that extra $100 billion for? Well let me tell you. There’s $6 million tax break for the makers of children’s wooden arrows (seriously), a higher cap for FDIC insurance ($250,000 now rather than $100,000), $128 million for car racetracks, $33 million for companies doing business in American Somoa and $192 million for rum producers in Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands. So essentially they bought the votes of the 133 house Republicans who voted against the bill on Monday. Nice! My tax dollars at work.

(St. Louis) GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin surprised doubters Thursday night, easily sidestepping Senator Joe Biden’s use of a clever debate tactic.

Biden had been widely expected to wipe the floor with his Republican rival, so much so that the Obama campaign, as well as pundits, had spent several days lowering their expectations for Palin.

Those expectations were easily exceeded.

Palin’s big moment came about 20 minutes into the debate, when Biden walked over to Palin’s lectern to make a point about Senator John Sidney McCain III’s proposal to tax health benefits.  Then Biden smoothly removed a paper grocery bag from under his jacket pocket and placed it over Palin’s head.  Sharp intakes of breath could be heard as members of the audience reacted in surprise.  They quieted as debate moderator Gwen Ifill asked Palin if she had a response.

Lack of command of the issues and only a short time to prepare, thought to be Palin liabilities, instead appeared to work to her advantage.  Perspiring heavily, Palin was able to moisten the bag to the point where she was easily able to peck her way through the brown paper.

Palin took only sixty seconds to extricate herself, leaving thirty seconds in which she was able to regain her composure, smile broadly and say, “No, Gwen, I have nothing to add, other than ‘drill baby, drill’.”

Although she lost some style points by accidentally tearing off one of the handles, most campaign observers agreed that Palin handled the paper bag well.

“It was a little rough, as far as debates go. But those glued paper handles can come off pretty easily,” said Dale Flimsy, founder of the American Plastic Grocery Bag Manufacturers of America, a bag industry PAC.

“And she did get out of the bag, that’s what’s important.”

Also impressed was George F. Will, national affairs columnist for Sports Retail Supply Chain Monthly, who had recently been critical of Palin. “Biden forgot that you never think you’ve got the win in the bag before the last out,” he observed.

“Palin did not stay in the bag, and earned the save.  This has to be a relief to Elephants skipper John McCain, who ties up the series 1-1,” Will said.

Obama adviser David Axelrod allowed the choice of bag may have been a tactical mistake. “Biden probably should not have used a paper bag.  We considered using a plastic bag, but decided plastic would send the wrong message about sustainability,” Axelrod said.

Tonight on Ragebot! an unprecedented event: Kvatch and Frogette team up to snark-blog the debate.

So, fortified with copious amounts of alcohol, firmly planted on their couch, the amphibian pair will provide you with insight on the great debate between the ‘Hockey Mom’ and the ‘Gasbag’.

Ready…here we go…

To about what Alan Fishman got paid for his 3 week stewardship of WaMu just before it went into the crapper—A cool $18,000,000 folks. That works out to:

• $6,000,000 / week or…
• $1,200,000 / day or…
• $150,000 / hour or…
• $2500 / minute or…
• $41.67 / second or…
• $.04+ / millisecond

In other words, this f*ckstick gets paid more money per minute than I make in a week. No wonder he’s smiling. And they say that our economy is out of balance. Sheesh!